"It's better to light a candle than to curse the dark."

Snow sucks, my car keeps getting stuck and everyone's driving like a stupid idiot. Fuck 'em.

Rib tips would be good right about now, a whole mess of 'em.

Thinking about the rest of my days and what I'm gonna do with 'em.

Last week Alaina and I were gonna see The Dark Knight in IMAX, and NOT go to Circle Center mall, but our plans got fudged. Tomorrow we shall try to redo 'em.

I want to be in a band again but it's so hard to start 'em.

Sa(Turd)ay

xmas:

HERE'S A BIG LIST OF THE GIFTS I GOT!!:

a card, a calendar, and $30 from the itunes store, from my mom and dad.

now everybody, quit fucking tripping.

no more gifts from crispy, or FOR him, please.

christmas is a stupid fucking holiday unless you believe in jesus christ, which, admit it, none of you do. otherwise it's a stressful/selfish holiday and you need to get over it.

as far as giving, well, THAT shouldn't be a 1-day-a-year thing. it should be every day and you should be giving to people who need shit, instead of hastily buying stupid gifts for your stupid friends. same goes for thinking about others and appreciating your family.

let's get past all the bullshit, it's what makes this time of year so depressing for those of us who reflect.

family

my grandfather has been in hospital for the past few months fighting mounting infections on his inside-parts. today he was basically told that he will not be going home... ever again. they give him a couple days. he has always been an incredibly strong man and it's awful to see him so weak and in such distress... until today he truly believed he'd fight off this illness. i can't imagine being told that sort of news... i am trying to keep myself together for my family, especially my dad. seeing my dad in pain and showing vulnerability is one of those things that seems to throw my whole reality out of whack. even my greek uncle hassan is crying. ugh. anyhow, i am at least glad that i can be with my family at this time. last time we were all together we were celebrating grandpa's 90th birthday, his long and eventful life. last time i saw him he was still mobile, traveling about telling stories, enjoying his life. i hate seeing him in a hospital ward, among all these other sickies, incoherent, frail, barely able to eat. he deserves so much more.

in england

closed up shop in france.

now i am in england, where people speak my language, kind of. only englisher.

saw my grandpa for about a minute, he is very weak, held back the tears. 90 years old and it's almost over, dad told me today.

i forgot it's christmas in a few days, last thing on my mind.

france

family drama... not like, a tv show about a dad trying to keep his kids off drugs. more like, i'm on this vacation (which i was reeeeally apprehensive to go on because i was already so stressed out) with my parents and the day after i get here (here=nice, france) my dad leaves because my grandpa is dying. GREAT. so i spent a couple days here alone with my mom. tomorrow we're going to england to be with the family.

sheep on a mountain... my mom took me to that chateauneuf place (medieval ruins on top of a mountain) and we saw an awesome view and a bunch of goats? no sheep. sorry.

boston legal... been watching it religiously.

russell brand... been reading him religiously.

brickley... my dog... been missing him like craziness.

i kind of just want to get back to bloomington and get on with my life. vacations are good, though. they put things in perspective. i want to start reeeeally making music, living a real life, not this fucking pathetic existence that seems to be "good enough" for everyone else. that's fine if that's what they want, but i'm not going to give up on what i want because it's unrealistic or something so ridiculous.

-crispy

final word

Why am I straight-edge?

Because fuck you, that's why.

I am sick of people who want me to explain straight-edge. That's about as productive as trying to explain what getting drunk is all about. It's not all about anything.

I'm not going to say, "Get drunk, get high, do your thing, I don't care." I think getting fucked up is retarded. OF COURSE. That's why I don't do it. The same way I think sticking your dick in a blender is retarded. But if dicks in blenders started becoming popular, it's not like there's anything I could do about it. On a side note, if it was suddenly "normal" to liquefy your own dick do you think you'd ask me why I choose not to?

I detest stupidity. So, an act that can be viewed as an excuse for acting like a fucking idiot? Doesn't sit well with me.

MY REASONS for being straight-edge are different from everyone else's reasons. No matter what you say, it isn't fair to make an assumption about somebody based on the fact that they identify with "straight-edge". It doesn't really serve you very well to assume anything about anyone, ever.

Finally, I'm sick of straight-edge people trying to defend or explain themselves to people who "don't get it". If they ask, fine. If they're being dicks, fuck them, it's not about their "understanding", it's about your choices. I see videos on YouTube and entire sites devoted to "Why I Chose To Be Straight-Edge" because apparently they feel like everyone is judging their decisions. I don't see web pages about "Why I Am An Astronaut" or
"Why My Friends And I Started A Band" even though there are tons of people who look at spacemen and musicians with disdain. The reply to their contempt is simple.

"Well then fuck you." And carry on.

In summation, never ask me about straight-edge ever again. Thank you.

Fuck:

Cute girls. You're bitches and I hate you but I like to look at you. So fuck you.

Less Than Jake. Why can't they just be GOOD? All their shit is borderline fucking awesome but never quite awesome. It's frustrating. Fuck that.

Fast food. Why do I ever think putting that shit in me is wise? It's not. Fuck fast food.

Money. I want it. I need it. Maybe this year will be easier with loans and all but soon I'll just have to pay it all back. I hate money. Fuck money.

Cool people. I will never be one, no matter what, so I can safely say, fuck people who are cool. Because you're dicks.

Being awake. Ouch. I just want to fucking sleep.

Sleeping. I have shit to do, let me get up and do it.

Work.

Unemployment.

Being single.

Being in a serious relationship.

Fucking.

Death.

Good night.

-Crispy