xmas:

HERE'S A BIG LIST OF THE GIFTS I GOT!!:

a card, a calendar, and $30 from the itunes store, from my mom and dad.

now everybody, quit fucking tripping.

no more gifts from crispy, or FOR him, please.

christmas is a stupid fucking holiday unless you believe in jesus christ, which, admit it, none of you do. otherwise it's a stressful/selfish holiday and you need to get over it.

as far as giving, well, THAT shouldn't be a 1-day-a-year thing. it should be every day and you should be giving to people who need shit, instead of hastily buying stupid gifts for your stupid friends. same goes for thinking about others and appreciating your family.

let's get past all the bullshit, it's what makes this time of year so depressing for those of us who reflect.

family

my grandfather has been in hospital for the past few months fighting mounting infections on his inside-parts. today he was basically told that he will not be going home... ever again. they give him a couple days. he has always been an incredibly strong man and it's awful to see him so weak and in such distress... until today he truly believed he'd fight off this illness. i can't imagine being told that sort of news... i am trying to keep myself together for my family, especially my dad. seeing my dad in pain and showing vulnerability is one of those things that seems to throw my whole reality out of whack. even my greek uncle hassan is crying. ugh. anyhow, i am at least glad that i can be with my family at this time. last time we were all together we were celebrating grandpa's 90th birthday, his long and eventful life. last time i saw him he was still mobile, traveling about telling stories, enjoying his life. i hate seeing him in a hospital ward, among all these other sickies, incoherent, frail, barely able to eat. he deserves so much more.

in england

closed up shop in france.

now i am in england, where people speak my language, kind of. only englisher.

saw my grandpa for about a minute, he is very weak, held back the tears. 90 years old and it's almost over, dad told me today.

i forgot it's christmas in a few days, last thing on my mind.

france

family drama... not like, a tv show about a dad trying to keep his kids off drugs. more like, i'm on this vacation (which i was reeeeally apprehensive to go on because i was already so stressed out) with my parents and the day after i get here (here=nice, france) my dad leaves because my grandpa is dying. GREAT. so i spent a couple days here alone with my mom. tomorrow we're going to england to be with the family.

sheep on a mountain... my mom took me to that chateauneuf place (medieval ruins on top of a mountain) and we saw an awesome view and a bunch of goats? no sheep. sorry.

boston legal... been watching it religiously.

russell brand... been reading him religiously.

brickley... my dog... been missing him like craziness.

i kind of just want to get back to bloomington and get on with my life. vacations are good, though. they put things in perspective. i want to start reeeeally making music, living a real life, not this fucking pathetic existence that seems to be "good enough" for everyone else. that's fine if that's what they want, but i'm not going to give up on what i want because it's unrealistic or something so ridiculous.

-crispy